What experts know about the Three C’s: You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t change them—and that truth can set you free.
Let’s talk straight.
If you’re serious about creating a life that is healthier, happier, and more productive, then there’s one truth you’ve got to face: You can’t afford to carry other people’s emotional baggage on your back. Especially when those people thrive on drama, dysfunction, or despair.
Over the past few weeks, my social media inbox has been filled with a version of the same question:
“Connie, what do I do about negative people in my life? When do I walk away?”
It’s a fair—and complicated—question. The answer starts with clarity.
Step One: Understand the Difference Between Difficult and Destructive
Not everyone who challenges you is toxic. Some of the best growth in life comes from people who push us, stretch us, or hold us accountable. But there’s a line—and when it’s crossed, you feel it in your body, your heart, and your peace of mind.
Here’s the truth: Healthy relationships have five things in common—mutual respect, trust, joy, growth, and safety. If one or more of those things is consistently absent? You’re not in a healthy relationship. You’re in an emotionally draining one.
As a human behavior expert, I’ve coached thousands of people through tough transitions, and I’ll tell you this: you have more power than you think. But you must be willing to take an honest look at what (and who) is holding you back.
Step Two: Define What “Negative” Really Means
Let’s be clear: Negativity is not the same as having a bad day. We all get frustrated. We all vent. But truly negative people bring a pattern of blame, resentment, criticism, and chaos into every interaction.
They rarely take responsibility. They resist solutions. And they make everyone around them feel like they’re walking on emotional eggshells.
And let’s draw one hard, non-negotiable boundary:
Negativity is never an excuse for abuse.
Not verbal. Not emotional. Not physical. I don’t care if the person is your spouse, your parent, your child, or your boss. If the relationship includes abuse of any kind, the answer is not compassion—it’s protection. Get support. Set boundaries. Leave if necessary. You do not have to sacrifice your safety for someone else’s pain.
Step Three: Remember the Three C’s
When it comes to truly toxic people, there are three truths I want you to tattoo on your brain:
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You didn’t CAUSE it.
They were negative before you met them. That’s their journey—not your fault. -
You can’t CONTROL it.
No matter how kind, calm, or generous you are, you cannot force someone else to shift their perspective or behavior. -
You can’t CHANGE them.
Change must come from within. If they’re not open, willing, and actively working toward it—it’s not going to happen.
Those three C’s are your lifeline when guilt tries to pull you back into unhealthy dynamics.
Step Four: Ask the Right Questions
If you’re still torn about whether to stay or go, ask yourself:
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Does this relationship make me feel more or less like myself?
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Am I walking on eggshells or speaking my truth?
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Is there effort and willingness from both sides—or am I doing all the emotional heavy lifting?
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Can I love this person without losing myself?
Step Five: Set Boundaries Like a Boss
You are not powerless. Even with people you love deeply, you can set boundaries.
Boundaries are not ultimatums. They’re standards.
They say: “This is what I will accept. This is what I will no longer tolerate. This is how I expect to be treated.”
Teach people how to treat you. And if they refuse to learn? That’s your cue to move forward with peace and power.
Final Thought:
You don’t have to cut people out of your life to take control of it. But you do have to get crystal clear on what’s healthy, what’s harmful, and what you’re no longer willing to carry.
Because here’s the deal:
If someone’s negativity is dimming your light, draining your energy, or compromising your joy—it’s time to make a change. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to do so.
Here’s a quick video for you to watch as well. I share why NO ONE can make SOMEONE ELSE happy. It’s an important lesson to remember…
Ready to turn people problems into performance breakthroughs?
Bring me in for your next event and let me show your team how to decode human behavior, communicate with clarity, and lead with less stress. My session “Life Would Be Easy If It Weren’t For Other People” delivers laugh-out-loud moments, life-changing psychology, and practical tools your audience will use long after the applause ends.
