Leading everyone the same way backfires—ditch the golden rule and adapt your leadership to each team member’s needs.
Avoiding the Leadership “Golden Rule” Trap
Even the most self-aware and empathetic leaders can fall into this subtle yet damaging trap.
From a young age, most of us were taught to follow the “golden rule”: Treat others the way you want to be treated. It’s a fantastic guiding principle for life, emphasizing kindness and consideration—two things the world always needs more of.
But in leadership? This well-intentioned belief could be sabotaging your effectiveness.
The Golden Rule Blind Spot
When you treat your team members the way you want to be treated, you’re inherently assuming their preferences, needs, and motivations mirror your own. That assumption can shape every aspect of your leadership—how you communicate, collaborate, motivate, mentor, and provide feedback.
Here’s the kicker: what works for you might not resonate with them.
This is the “golden rule” leadership trap. It’s a hidden blind spot, cloaked in good intentions, that can lead to disengagement, frustration, and missed opportunities for growth.
The Platinum Rule: A Better Way Forward
The alternative is powerful: Stop assuming and start adapting. Instead of leading based on what you want, commit to leading in a way that aligns with what your team members need. That’s the platinum rule: Treat others the way they want to be treated.
This shift is more than semantics—it’s a survival skill for leading in today’s diverse, evolving workplaces.
5 Ways to Put the Platinum Rule into Action
1. Understand Their Individual Styles
Every person is different. As a leader, your job is to discover what makes each team member tick.
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Are they energized by collaboration or drained by constant meetings?
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Do they thrive with autonomy, or need frequent touchpoints?
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Do they respond better to data and detail, or vision and storytelling?
Teachable Moment: Don’t guess—ask. Use one-on-ones, personality assessments, or simply listening for clues in how they work.
2. Tailor Your Communication
One team member may appreciate direct, bullet-point feedback. Another may need a softer, conversational approach. Some love public recognition, while others would rather walk barefoot across Lego bricks than be spotlighted in a meeting.
Teachable Moment: Leaders don’t just deliver information—they translate it into a form their people can absorb.
3. Motivate on Their Terms
What inspires you may not inspire them.
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Does Sarah light up when she’s given creative freedom?
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Does James feel valued when he’s included in decision-making?
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Does Priya want more responsibility—or more flexibility?
Teachable Moment: Motivation isn’t a one-size-fits-all pep talk. It’s noticing what actually moves the needle for each individual and aligning goals accordingly.
4. Adapt Your Leadership Style
Think of leadership like fitness training. Some workouts build endurance, others strength. The best coaches customize the program to each athlete.
Teachable Moment: Just as great salespeople adapt to each client, great leaders flex their style for each team member. Flexibility is your superpower.
5. Connect to the Mission in Different Ways
Employees want more than a paycheck. They want purpose. But purpose looks different for each person. Some connect with long-term vision; others with the small daily wins that impact customers.
Teachable Moment: Reframe the mission in ways that resonate with each style. For some, it’s about legacy. For others, it’s about today’s progress.
Why This Matters
The workplace is evolving quickly:
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Hybrid and remote teams mean you don’t always have face-to-face connection to “feel it out.”
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Automation and technology increase efficiency but also the craving for authentic human leadership.
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Multiple generations in the workforce means balancing very different values, expectations, and communication preferences.
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Burnout is real—and treating everyone the same only fuels disengagement.
Leaders who cling to the golden rule risk leading in a vacuum. Leaders who practice the platinum rule build resilient, motivated, and loyal teams—even in times of change.
The Bottom Line
Treating others the way you want to be treated is admirable for life. But in leadership, it’s not enough.
If you want to inspire, engage, and empower your team, commit to:
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Listening more.
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Observing more.
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Adapting more.
That’s how you build stronger relationships, foster trust, and elevate performance.
Great leadership isn’t about imposing your style on others—it’s about meeting them where they are and helping them get to where they want to go. That’s how you lead a team that doesn’t just follow you, but grows because of you.
To learn more about this topic, check out my short video below:
“Quit Leading Everyone the Same,” is part of my series called Top 10 Things You Need to Quit to Be a Better Leader. Click here to watch this video, or check out others on my YouTube channel.
If you’re ready to take your team’s leadership skills to the next level, let’s make it happen! I’ll help your team ditch outdated tactics, master the art of listening, and connect authentically with today’s buyers. Together, we’ll turn assumptions into understanding—and boost your sales like never before. Let’s get started! Reach out today to bring me in for your next training or event.
