Avoiding the Leadership “Golden Rule” Trap
Even the most self-aware and empathetic leaders can fall into this subtle yet damaging trap.
From a young age, most of us were taught to follow the “golden rule”: Treat others the way you want to be treated. It’s a fantastic guiding principle for life, emphasizing kindness and consideration—two things the world always needs more of. No argument there.
But as leaders, this well-intentioned belief could be sabotaging your effectiveness.
Let’s unpack that.
When you treat your team members the way you want to be treated, you’re inherently assuming their preferences, needs, and motivations mirror your own. That assumption could be shaping every aspect of your leadership—how you communicate, collaborate, motivate, mentor, and provide feedback.
But here’s the kicker: what works for you might not resonate with them.
This is the “golden rule” leadership trap. It’s a hidden blind spot, cloaked in good intentions, that can lead to disengagement, frustration, and missed opportunities for growth.
What’s the alternative?
The key to breaking free from this trap is simple: Stop assuming and start adapting. Instead of leading based on what you want, commit to leading in a way that aligns with what your team members need. In other words, replace the “golden rule” with the platinum rule: Treat others the way they want to be treated.
Here’s how:
1. Understand Their Individual Styles
Every person is different. As a leader, your job is to discover what makes each team member tick. Ask yourself:
- Are they right-brained (creative, big-picture thinkers) or left-brained (analytical, detail-oriented)?
- Are they extroverts who thrive on collaboration and social interaction, or introverts who need quiet focus time?
- Are they motivated by recognition, autonomy, growth opportunities, or something else entirely?
The more you understand their unique styles and preferences, the more effectively you can lead them.
2. Tailor Your Communication
Rachel might thrive on concise, direct feedback, while Kevin prefers a more conversational, empathetic approach. Some team members may appreciate public recognition for a job well done, while others cringe at the spotlight and prefer a private “thank you.”
Take time to observe and ask. Adjust how you deliver feedback, share ideas, and engage in discussions to match their preferences.
3. Motivate on Their Terms
What inspires you may not inspire them. To keep your team engaged, find out what drives each individual. Does Sarah light up when she’s given creative freedom? Does James feel valued when he’s included in decision-making? Leading with their motivations in mind can unlock their full potential.
4. Adapt Your Leadership Style
Just as great salespeople adapt their approach to fit each customer’s buying style, great leaders must adjust their strategies to suit each team member. The one-size-fits-all leadership model no longer works in today’s diverse, dynamic workplace. Flexibility is your superpower.
5. Create a Connection to the Mission
Everyone connects to the bigger picture differently. Some might be inspired by the team’s long-term vision; others may find meaning in their day-to-day contributions. Learn what makes each person feel valued and connected to your mission, and reinforce it often.
The Bottom Line
Treating others the way you want to be treated is an admirable rule for life. But in leadership, it’s not enough. If you want to inspire, engage, and empower your team to perform at their best, you need to dig deeper. Listen more, observe more, and lead with the platinum rule. Adapt to what they need to succeed.
By committing to this approach, you’ll build stronger relationships, foster trust, and elevate your team’s performance to levels you never thought possible. Great leadership isn’t about imposing your style on others; it’s about meeting them where they are and helping them get to where they want to go.
To learn more about this topic, check out my short video below:
“Quit Leading Everyone the Same,” is part of my series called Top 10 Things You Need to Quit to Be a Better Leader. Click here to watch this video, or check out others on my YouTube channel.
If you’re ready to take your team’s leadership skills to the next level, let’s make it happen! I’ll help your team ditch outdated tactics, master the art of listening, and connect authentically with today’s buyers. Together, we’ll turn assumptions into understanding—and boost your sales like never before. Let’s get started! Reach out today to bring me in for your next training or event.
