Top Ten Things to QUIT Now…

To Be a Happier and More Successful Person

By Motivational Keynote Speaker and Human Behavior Expert Connie Podesta

For more than thirty years I have educated, trained, counseled, interviewed, and listened to more than two million people worldwide. Unfortunately, the majority of these people tell me they are often frustrated, confused, overwhelmed, and even unhappy with significant parts of their lives, their jobs, their relationships or themselves. I also have had the opportunity to talk to people who, for the most part, feel confident, successful, joyful, and content. And I learned something very interesting that surprised even me. Ready? Successful, happy people are excellent QUITTERS! Sound counter-intuitive? Not really. Because what they quit are jobs, relationships, projects, behaviors, attitudes, and mindsets that consistently DO NOT WORK!

Type the word “quit” into an Amazon search bar and you’ll find more than 1,200 entries all saying the same thing: DON’T QUIT! Hang in there. Persevere. Never give up. That idea has been drilled into us since we were toddlers! But here’s a powerful secret: successful people DO NOT QUIT because life isn’t fair or uncomfortable. They don’t quit because work is hard or change is stressful. They don’t quit to avoid facing hard truths or making tough decisions. And they certainly NEVER quit because it’s the easy way out. They quit because they have the ability to recognize that sometimes quitting is not only the right thing to do, but it’s the most powerful, life-changing, positive, and courageous step to take.

So my question to you is: Are you ready to let go of some things in your life that don’t work and are sabotaging your chances of success and happiness? Then I challenge you to learn the Top Ten Things You Need to Quit Now which are:

1. Quit Waiting to Be Happy. So, are you like most people who view happiness as the RESULT of achieving what you want: losing the weight, finding the perfect partner, or getting the new job? Are you patiently (or not) waiting to accumulate enough, earn enough, be loved enough, or be enough so happiness can finally show up? If so, get ready to settle in for a long wait. Let’s redefine happiness. It is NOT a RESULT of getting what you want. That’s the happiness myth. It’s the CATALYST that makes getting what you want possible. Happiness has to come first! Reality check: If you are unhappy, you will never lose the weight because eating is your go-to comfort. You won’t find your “soulmate” because let’s face it healthy, happy, functional people ARE NOT attracted to unhappy people. You won’t get the job, raise or promotion because your attitude and personality aren’t at a level that deserves those perks. So, how can you be happy when your life is falling apart? The same way you do anything else you don’t really want to do. You suck it up and start acting happy! Why? Because you understand that coming from place of happiness is your best–sometimes only–shot of getting what you want in life. Believe me, I’ve “acted” my way into happiness mode more times than I can count. Why? Because I want the bad stuff to end and the good stuff to start again; and I know that if I can add some happiness to the mix, I have a chance to level the playing field and turn things around.

Ask yourself, what are you waiting for to be totally happy? Whatever it is? Can you see how your unhappiness can be the reason it’s out of reach or even pushing it away? Can you change that and give yourself a better shot of getting what you want? Start now!

2. Quit Living in the Past. I know, things may have happened in the past that are hard to forget or forgive. Unfortunately, too often those memories affect the way you feel, act, think, and behave today. And not in a good way. Negative memories can set us up to expect and accept negative people into our lives. The good news is you do NOT have to repeat your past. YOU can change the dysfunctional cycle and create a new life for yourself. You may not be able to change what has happened to you, but you can certainly change what WILL happen to you. It’s all up to you.

Ask yourself, “Do my feelings about my past affect the quality and happiness in my life today?” If so, what can you do to change that?

3. Quit Blaming Others. For some this seems the easy way out. We think if we blame others, then we don’t have to be accountable for our own choices or their consequences. Blaming others gives us the excuses we need for not doing our best. Blaming others (we think) rescues us from responsibility. But the truth is it does none of those things.

In reality, blaming others makes us seem petty, immature, and undependable. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when indeed it was not our fault. Someone or something got in the way of doing what we needed to do. But here’s the thing–the people that shine are the ones who get it done anyway. Figure it out. Find a solution and move on. You’ll experience more happiness and success when YOU take control.

Ask yourself, “Do I take ownership of my choices and their consequences?” If not, begin today to step up and be responsible for your own life. Others will treat you better the minute you do and your happiness and success quotient will skyrocket.

4. Quit Expecting Life to Be Fair. Life’s not always fair and things happen we don’t deserve, sometimes despite our best efforts. We can say our affirmations, put positive things in our minds, and yet life can still throw us a curve ball. Successful, happy people know this and when life doesn’t go as planned, they don’t waste time crying and complaining. Instead they are motivated to take action. Find solutions. Embrace change. Your character is measured by your ability to handle things even when life is unfair. Happiness can be found in the act of overcoming obstacles and being resilient.

Ask yourself: When things don’t go as planned, do you let negative emotions take over making it impossible to find solutions? If so, rethink your choices, put your brain to work exploring new options, creating new opportunities, and discovering the power that happiness can provide.

5. Quit Depending on Others to Make You Happy. Let me say this loud and clear. There is not another person in the world that can make you happy. That’s your job, your journey, your puzzle to figure out. Are you waiting for others to validate you, love you, accept you, or approve of you? Then you are in for a long, lonely wait. YOU have to do all of those things for yourself FIRST—before anyone healthy and sane will want to hang out with you. As long as you need outside validation to make you happy, you will only attract others who expect YOU to make them happy.

Ask yourself: Are you happy with yourself and with your choices? If not, do whatever is necessary to figure out why. Fix yourself first. Then others will follow your lead.

6. Quit Being Afraid of Being Afraid. So here’s the deal, trying new things, stepping out of comfort zones or meeting new people can all be scary. Successful people though don’t avoid things because they might experience discomfort. They feel the fear and do it anyway. I’m not saying do dangerous things that could harm you or someone else. In those cases fear is an emotion to take seriously. I’m talking about the kind of fear that comes with dealing with change, or going new directions. That kind of fear can be just what we need to motivate us to do our best. Personally, I’m a bit afraid every time I walk on stage. Will the audience respond to me, connect with me, learn something, and have fun? But I revel in this fear because it propels me to be on top of my game, to stay relevant, integrate new material, and customize my message to fit their needs. This kind of afraid means we care enough to do our best.

Ask yourself: What scares you about stepping out and discovering new things? Does that fear push you forward or paralyze you to maintain status quo? Tip: Just go for it and let the fear push you to greater heights.

7. Quit Playing Games. Why is it so darn hard to just say what we mean and do what we say? Instead we resort to manipulation, anger, hurt, silent treatment, act like we don’t care when we do, and give in instead of getting our own needs met. Meaningful, assertive communication is about being open, honest, and direct while being respectful of the other person or situation. Game-playing is about using emotions such as hurt or anger to get others to do what we want. Using hurt makes people feel guilty so they give in. Anger creates a sense of fear that makes people feel intimidated so they do what we want. While we may get what we want in the short term, we get paid back in equal measure in the long term. Both guilt and fear in a relationship create resentment, which breeds contempt and leads to relationships failing. Want healthier, happier relationships or more success? Learn to communicate in a more assertive way.

Ask yourself: How often do you communicate assertively—without game playing? What emotion are you most likely to resort to when you want your way—hurt or anger? Avoid game playing and people will trust and respect you more.

8. Quit Behaving in Ways That Sabotage Success. There’s no pill that can make you happy if you continue to allow toxic people into your life, or hate your job but stay anyway, or want to be healthy but order fast food, or don’t go after what you desire. There is NO EASY WAY to get what you want without hard work and determination and the courage to QUIT some behaviors, attitudes, and mindsets that are killing your chances of ever being the successful, happy person you want to be. Think about what it is that YOU are doing that is making your life less than what it could be. You can’t control other people but you can control YOU. Nobody is going to care more about your needs, happiness, health, wealth, and well-being than YOU.

Ask yourself:  What kind of choices are you making that contribute to your stress, unhappiness, and unhealthy relationships? YOU have to change YOU first. You’ll love the results when you do.

9. Quit Fighting for Your Limitations. It doesn’t make sense, right? But we do it all the time. We fight for our right to be sad and angry, resentful and hurt. We justify why we can’t do it. Don’t want to do it. Want someone else to do it. We rationalize our bad behavior, too tired, too busy, didn’t sleep. We ignore what we don’t want to hear. And make a big deal about little things. We tell people who are trying to help that they just don’t understand. We snap at people who give us advice that we’ve tried it before, won’t work. Why do we fight so hard to stay right where we are, even when we don’t like where we are? If you are going to fight, then change the game. Defy conventional thinking. Resist doing it the old way. Stop fighting for your right to be sad or your right to be angry and stand up loud and clear and fight for your right to be happy. It’s a much better fight to win.

Ask yourself: When life doesn’t go as planned, do you fight for your right to be happy as hard as you fight for your right to be sad or angry?

10. Quit Thinking You Deserve to Be Happy and Successful. Did that hit a nerve? Think about it for a minute. Deserve means you believe you are entitled to be happy or that you are owed success no matter what you do or how you act. Unfortunately, that isn’t how it works. In fact, that way of thinking will keep you in a state of unhappiness and chasing success forever. Bottom line: Too many people sit, wait, and bemoan the fact they aren’t happy. But, they don’t take the action necessary to change, I get it, I worry, stress, deal with obstacles, want more, just like you. So when those thing happen, we have to QUIT thinking about what isn’t working and START fighting to find the happiness we want and deal with the problem. Overcome the obstacle and FIGHT to allow happiness back in when all roads point to sadness and anger. Even a teeny bit of happiness changes your outlook enough to allow your mind to find a solution.

Ask yourself, are you waiting for happiness to find you? Do you believe you deserve to be happy without working as hard to get it as you would anything else important in your life? If so, reassess your thinking and re-evaluate your options. Happiness is there for you, but you have to want it bad enough to go after it–starting now!

So there you have it. Ten things to QUIT now! You know there’s always excuses for not starting something — no money, not enough time, not the right education. But guess what? You don’t need money, time, or a degree to QUIT. Just determination, perseverance, and the deep desire to make your life better. So QUIT procrastinating and wasting time. There’s a whole world of happiness just waiting for you.

Connie Podesta is a game-changing, idea-generating ball of fire whose rare blend of humor, substance, style and personality have made her one of the most memorable, in-demand speakers in the world today. 25 years. Two million people. 1000 organizations. Hall of Fame speaker. Award-winning author. Seven books. Former Radio/TV personality. Comedienne. Human Relations Expert. Therapist for 30 years. Topics on sales, leadership, change, life balance and success. And (what we all probably could use now and then)…a Comedienne. To learn more about her strategies, insights, and solutions, visit her online today at www.conniepodesta.com. While you’re there – read the first chapter of her powerful new eBook Redefining Happiness.